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Vengeance Before Death

And I can’t hide my emotions
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It's that time again! [22 Feb 2006|05:24pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]





Some what sad isn't it? It's the most wonderful time of the year. *sings*

It seems that my life is too over dramatic for people to handle and thus my livejournal is friends only. Rejoice Shaun White haters, for you will no longer have to see his beautiful face gracing your screen, unless you are on my friends list.

Please comment if you would like to be added as one of my friends.

2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

The hole in my heart won't be healed... [21 Feb 2006|12:40pm]
As long as love keeps pouring out of it....

Lack of reason is blinding us all... It is binding us all.... Please don't pretend that I can't see through your backstabbing. Please don't pretend that I can't see through your lies. I know who you are. I know who all of you are. This doesnt apply to the few good individuals that read this journal of mine, but it applies to the lying, unfortunate majority.

I want you all to try and take me down. You never will. No matter how much I let your comments get to me... No matter how much you drive me to destroy myself... No matter how much I let you tear me down, I will rebuild myself back up from the ruins in which you have left me. This journal is now very much so friends only.

The reason of this, is for a number of reasons of pure treason over the friendship I thought I had truely formed with a number of you. If you are off of my buddy list. You know why. Don't pretend like you don't know why. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I won't be fooled again so easily.

Thank you for clarifying the fact that you are all assholes. You won't be trusted by myself ever again. After this post I will be passive towards you, but just remember, that I would rather slit my own throat that tell you anything more about myself.

Call me over dramatic.. Call me what you will.... If you actually waste your time talking shit about me behind my back... Than you are more pathetic than I thought.
5 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

[19 Feb 2006|02:49pm]
This morning was unlike the rest. The sky seemed cloudless; endless, yet it was of pure gray. It was the kind of morning where I just stared into the sky like I had no thoughts of losing or winning. I just stood there watching the trees sway deeply into the breeze and I heard an all too familiar sound. It was mysterious and soothing, but it had an anoxious aesthetic. It was that of a crow. Their voices were uplifting in their sorrow. I knew I too had to sing the same song.

I digress from my odd story.

I recieved a nasty email from Claudia accusing me of bullshit. Want to read?
This is her messageCollapse )

This is my replyCollapse )

People are very annoying. To be quite honest, I am starting to get completely fed up with the human race. Elfen Lied didn't really help much on that now did it? Btw... What happens to the chief director I wonder. The one we find out is a diclonius at the end? Anyway, I am trying †ø burn all of the episodes onto a dvd, but i have been trying to find a program that works with mac os 10.2.8 that can convert avi to mov files. anyone know of it?
my coffin door

list of shitty things [16 Feb 2006|09:03pm]
-vocab test tomorrow
-have to work on poetry by myself since everyone else is completely irresponsible
-everyone in art class hates me
-didnt win a prize tonight at art gallery
-work tomorrow
-kat bailed on me for the second time again tonight
-plamena didnt show up for the show
-dir en grey isnt coming to houston on their tour (whihc is only 3 venues and should be considered a tour)
-cant talk to anyone about shit because apparently when i do i piss them off
-i really need to leave this shithole of a town filled with hypocrites and apathetic assholes which wont be happening for a while
-every thoguht that has croseed my brain (cept when i was in seguin) for the past 3 weeks has been suicidal
-i wish people would get there heads out of their asses...
3 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

So you think you are special... [14 Feb 2006|10:31pm]
Well I'm here to tell you that you aren't. At least not to the world. You were to my world or to my perception of reality, but with all this over analysis of everything that you have done to me since august that is beyond fucked up, I have had it.

Happy fucking Valentine's day. Aren't you glad you are off my friend's list? Aren't you glad you fucked me up this bad that I had to result to this extreme?

I don't know whether to hug you or to hurt you as of now... I haven't tried the latter of the two, but I'm sure it would get me no more further than anything else I have ever tried to do for you.

Fuck you....

i still care...
1 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

OLYMPICS... [14 Feb 2006|03:04pm]
BITCHES!!!!



'nough said....

Jessi.. you know you like it...
4 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

w00t [09 Feb 2006|08:19pm]
[ mood | *insert something here* ]

i went bike shopping today which was very awkward to say the least. hrmm.. yeah... nough said bout that.

i told my dad i am going ot go get piercings so both my parents know and dont agree with it, but they cant stop me. i told my dad i wont wear the piercings around him.. so he is a little better with it cause he knows he is being unreasonable.

i watched the channelone shaun white interview on channelone.com... thank god i got to see it! it basically said everything i already knew and such, but it is refreshing ot see interviews of shaun...

thanks jessi and jenn for notifying me bout that!

ummm... i finally got a day to relax, but i am still stressed out cause im not talking to jon... again (fucking asshole!) and emily brought weed-laced banana nut bread to school. yeah.. that was awkward cause she was feeding it to the class and not telling them it had weed in it. it kinda pissed me off, but i tried acting cool with all of it.

i worked on the bayside painting again today. the bottom portion is done with the cherry blossoms, but the top cherry blossoms arent done and neither is john's face... i need to push the shadows and the highlights a bit more and i need to go out and buy some drum sticks....

ummm.... lets see. the art opening for the landscapes, seascapes, dreamscapes show is gonig to be the 16th at the art alliance right across the street from space center houston! PLEASE COME AND SUPPORT ME! it is going to be my first real art show i have been in with local professional artists. i am really nervous, even though it is jsut one photo that is going ot be in it.

ive been writing a lot in my personal journal lately and i only have 10 pages left before i start the new one i bought last time i went to the mall (a couple months ago)... so... hopefully i will have incentive and such...

shaun white shit o the day:


FLYING TOMATOE GO!!!

2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

Myspace isnt working properly... suprse... [08 Feb 2006|05:05pm]
great. barrick is flying into el paso tomorrow and then flying straight to seguin. yay. i dont get t osee him. this is just fucking great.

on top of all this army bullshit forcing him to fly into el paso instead of dallas or houston... my mouse, nezumi died... which means i now have no mice and i have 1 cat. ive been trying to force my dad to let us adopt another cat but he is being an asshole about it.

it really pisses me off. i work at the vet clinic so everythign is over 50% off and we get free check ups and shit. it is ridiculous. it isnt going tobe like he is paying a lot of money. on top of this, we would get gizme for free because we wouldn't have to pay the adoption money like you would at the spca or something. she is already spayed and she just had a bath on tuesday. she is in the perfect health. this is retarded!

my friend told me that to solve my problems i should jsut move out of my house. good call rebecca. she doesnt even know what is going on, but it would stop all of this insane pressure with school and art.

i made it into the art alliance show also. everyone go see it if you can. ill explain in detail later when i find out more info, but i think it starts february 17th. it has the abstract photo in there instead of the central park one. my whole family thinks that is bizarre cause they don't think that one that was chosen can even surmount to the other piece i submitted.

i won the schick quattro competition. i odnt know what i won though. i really hope it was the trip to the summer x games. that would be rad. im glad i won something though. probably just a tshirt like summer xgames 10. yay!

What is it like dealing with your groupies? To share an experience, I showed up at a contest and a girl started crying when she saw me. I was like, ‘Oh, my God!’ I felt bad when the girl started crying. I was all, ‘I didn’t do it.’

Look! It is Shaun with no legs!Collapse )

now i have to go back to reading poisonwood bible...
2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

I like DVDs... don't know bout you guys! [07 Feb 2006|10:13pm]
So today I spent 20% of my past two paychecks and went ahead and splurged on DVDs. While I type this LJ post to you all I am readingit out loud in a funny voice. No Joke. My momma says I'm a funny person. I would have to agree. LOL

I bought the following:

Manic (ooh! I <3 Joseph Gordon-Levitt! He is freakin amazing. yo.)
Mysterious Skin (Another film by him! FREAKING AMAZING!!!!)
The Shaun White Album (Didn't see that one coming did you?)
First Descent (HA! PRE-ORDER BIATCHES!)
Live Freaky! Die Freaky! (Oh yeah... the Davey Havok is in this one!)

And eventually would like to get:

Battle Royale (I killed my best friend yesterday!)
The Eye (Cantonese movies rock my socks!)
Corpse Bride (Tim Burton.. 'nough said..)
The Brunch Club (If it ever goes for sale somewhere)
The Anime Real World (Cause that is funnier than the Brunch Club and done by the same people)
All the Seasons of Red vs. Blue, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy
MCR's new DVD (WOOH!! COMES OUT IN MARCH!)

That is all for now you crazy hobos!


And Shaun White pic o the day!Collapse )
my coffin door

Doko? [06 Feb 2006|10:04pm]
Soo... started painting the Bayside portrait of John. I had started drawing it last week and i started apintgin it today. i think it is going to be MUCH better than the last one. im reall yexcited. jessi and veronica shall get to see it tomorrow morning before art class cause i never have time to make it to mr williams room before the bell for 2nd period.

ummm... OLYMPICS!! Shaun is riding on Sunday. I am uber uber excited... i mother fucking cant wait. i made 80$ out of the 20% i took out from my last two pay checks and i am using that to pay for shaun white dvds that i have been waiting to get for a while. i might also buy battle royale and live freaky die freaky, but we shall see.

shaun barber also has a book out of all of his tattoo art that i am interested in getting. anyone who lives near San Fran and loves art go see his show! it is goign ot be amazing! i wish i could be ther eto support him, but alas... i am in shit-hole texas.

so... much typos later, i worked till 8:30 again tonight, but it was slightly fun and Gizme smells likea trash can now for some reason. her dandruff has also gotten really bad and even though i brushed her she still has matts on her belly. Chris is bathing her tomorrow. ha ha! on friday if her owners havent come to pick her up i am going to bring my camera and take pictures of her. ^_^ i want you all to be able to see why i love her. she is so cute!

japanese class is tomorrow and CORE- E better be there tomorrow cause he totally missed last class which made me get all depressed cause he makes the class that much better and bearable. i suck really bad at japanese and i wish i could have more time to study, but i dont and i suck for that and im pretty pissed off at my lack of time ot do anything lately.

shaun white shit o' the day:


BLARG! PICTURE!Collapse )
my coffin door

[05 Feb 2006|08:36pm]
wow. my mom found a small article bout sean white in the "parade" section of the newspaper. made me a little happy. i filled out college apps all day today and then i went to work.. good times. i brushed gizme (the cat that we think was abandoned by his owners b/c we keep calling and they wont answer or reply back to our messages to come pick their cat up) for 30 minutes †oday. i had this huge clump of mats that was probably 8 inches in diameter. it was rather large and dense.

i feel so aweful for this cat because he is sweet. i think i might take a picture of her. i am trying to convince my dad to let us adopt her also.

umm... i still have all of the essays to do for the college apps and i only have to work monday and friday this week. on saturday i have VASE and on tuesday i have class. on friday my mom and my sister are leaving to go to seguin and piock up my grandfathers belongings as well as some of the things my grandfather was keeping of my grandmothers. i hope barrack is going to be here this week. if he isnt coming to houston... i dont know what i will do. it is all pretty upsetting to be honest. everytime someone mentions anything remotely related to my grandfather i start to get tears in my eyes.

shaun white pic o' the day.

Describe a day in the life of Shaun White.
I wake up underwater, because I have gills like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. Then I surf into breakfast and chill with my man Frankenstein for some waffles. Then I make a bunch of collect calls while I wait for my dentist to bleach my teeth on the shore of Miami. Then I will try to find some time to either snowboard or skate.


my coffin door

Shaun white= Amber? [04 Feb 2006|10:14pm]
Heart defect
White endured two major surgeries before his first birthday. He was born with a heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot, a condition that causes oxygenated and unoxygenated blood to mix, thus decreasing oxygen flow throughout his body. The operations left him with a six-inch scar in the center of his rib cage.


Isn't that interesting? Wow. I have an even greater respect for him now than I did before. Reminded me of Amber.... hope she is doing alright...

B/c some people have modem. click here to see the picture.Collapse )
2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

Everyone lies. [03 Feb 2006|07:46pm]
John is a hypocrite. today he took pictures of peoples art while they werent in the room. he was going to use them for the literary magazine w/out their consent. plagiarism anyone? he got me so upset and basically called me an asshole when i called him out on things.

i skipped stupid fucking office aid again today and went ot go pick up my scholastic art and it was in good condition (thank god) not like last time where they broke my sculpture. i swear to god if they would have harmed my photography in anyway i would have bought a gun and shot the bastards. now i can start my college apps and get them done within the next week.

i just got chewed out by austin who called me a traitor. he is an asshole who completely disregaurds others feelings.

as of now i really hate my life. i never wanted to truely quit improv because i feel like a traitor and i feel like everyone has that thought installed in the back of their minds. i regreat leaving, but i didn't have a choice. i cant handle doing improv with all of the onther things i need to get done due to me working now. it feels to me like i am the only one who understands the sacrifice i had to make. i dont know why no one else understands that it was a sacrifice in my mind too and i didnt have a choice unless i wanted to not go to college.

so apparently everyone has this huge misconception of me and i feel likei want to die every minute of my life. i feel like ive lost everything. my friends dont really talk to me anymore because i never see them, my job sucks, the love of my life is essentially dead, and i dont have any time in my life to do much of anything for myself. everything is just work work work and for some reason i still feel like a slob and apparently everyone else thinks i am too. well la de fucking dah.

why dont you all go fuck yourselves?

oh and here is your shaun white pic of the day:
2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

Bullshit= Bullshit [02 Feb 2006|11:04pm]
MY SCHOOL IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! I AM SKPPING AGAIN TOMORROW. FUCK THEM! THOSE ASSHOLES!

"THOSE COMI BASTARDS!!"- Meat

in other news. im making lolita dresses of prettiness and ega-ness.

Shaun white interview clip

What's this your mom told me about the Ozzfest?

Oh {laughs}, for my sixteenth birthday Sony took me to the Ozzfest. As we're walking up to watch the show, this guy comes up to me and says, "Hey, you're Shaun White." So I'm like, "Yeah, nice to meet ya." Just then–he grabs his girlfriend, all the sudden she pulls up her shirt and flashes me.

Were they nice?

I don't know …


Small, but nice pic of shaun


btw.. all of these snowboarding/ skating pics are making me want to become a photographer even more.... arg! if i could just take pictures commercially for snowboarders, skaters, even anything else o do with extreme sports.. i would totally take that job over being an illustrator. i mean.. that is just a small part of photography... so i dont know if i would even be able to do that... besides.. im not the best tphotographer anyway..
2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

[01 Feb 2006|09:32pm]
i feel like shit again. just finished an art presentation on powerpoint and i got home from work nearly an hour ago also. i am going to chug a whole mdx. or what's left of it.

i was so glad to swee one of my friends back at school, but then i found out that she tried to kill herself while she was away those 3 months. great. that means both of us have had suicide on the mind. the emo club continues.

if i dont get to see barrack i am going to go crazy mad. im still in my work scrubs too. fuck this. i wish people would fucking get their heads out of their asses (NEIL!)

IF YOU AREN'T FUCKING MAN ENOUGH TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I DID WRONG IN OUR RELATIONSHIP THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME??? I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT DRAMA AND THAT YOU HAVE INFESTED MY BRAIN WITH AND I WISH YOU WOULD JUST TELL ME SO I COULD BE AT FUCKING PECE WITH YOU AND THE WHOLE GOD DAMN WORLD IN MY HEAD!!!!!

Had to get that over with. umm.. yeah... im out. and here is your Shaun pic of the day. sorry jess.

2 Bleeds on Bleed on my coffin door

Concerned [31 Jan 2006|10:35pm]
[ mood | weird ]

X-games, SAT and homework have been the only things consuming my life.. other than work...

Shaun White impressed me again this year. He is my fucking hero. If I could meet him, Davey Havok, and Jhonen Vasquez.. I could die 100% happy. Assuming they aren't all show andthey are genuine. I do have a feeling that they all are.. which makes me happy all over again...

Soo.... I think I might post some pictures of "The Flying Tomatoe/ Señor Blanco/ The Crimson Phoenix" better known as Shawn White!!! Buwa!

Louie Vito is pretty cool too though, but I've been crushing on Shaun for 5 years now... pretty pathetic... I know..

Now under a NEW LJ CUT for Jessica!!! SHAUN WHITE PHOTOS!!!!Collapse )

my coffin door

Living in irony and sweet bitter nostalgia [28 Jan 2006|10:32pm]
Is it ironic that when you don't want to talk, people ask you questions, and when you pour your heart out, they ignore you?

Is it ironic that everyone thinks I have this grandiose scheme of my life's plns laid out, when I don't even know how I'm going to finish up the day?

Is it ironic that I write passionate words when everything has died, but when everything is dying, I sit alone in self-pity?

Is it ironic that the one person I love doesn't love me back, hasn't been talking to me for 6 months?

Am I that fucked up? I thought about suicide for the first time in a very long time. I scared myself pretty badly. This happened on Friday. I was in office aid and I was fucking everything up and I kept looking out the window on the second floor of the NGC.

I really don't want to be here. I wish I could leave with Plami... I wish she could pack me in her duffle bag and fly me to Kansas with her. Fuck Texas! Fuck CLHS!

I am finally ready to leave. There isn't anything worth saving or even trying to salvage anymore.
my coffin door

To Plami: [24 Jan 2006|10:16pm]
One day, Everything will be ok. Just think about your friends and the people that are here for you. Think about the Basquiat show and all of the crazy times you will be having in the future. Most of all... think about Yellow Fridays, The thousands of Bazookas stored in your tiny locker, and of course, the American Branch of the Bulgarian Mafia.

=) Love you!
my coffin door

Interesting notions and vibrating notches [22 Jan 2006|03:57pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

This week has been hell as usual. Nothing truely surprising there. There were some better highlights of the week. They include, but are not limited to:

Cory being a good friend and hanging out with me while I waited for my mom after Japanese Class. We made fun of the little public service announcements on the TV.

The long phone conversation much needed with Alex about our lives. We still have a lot of catching up to do. The long distance kills me.

My art being showed for the first time in the Art Alliance. Granted it is for the Rodeo and I didn't make it to the next round, I did get a first place ribbon, which means they werre considering mine being 1 out of the 2 selected for the next round.

My cousin, Jamie, and I are myspace buddies and are leaving random comments back and forth to each other.

Forrest, my old photography teachewr from Ringling, in a joyous comment replied back to my request for a letter of recommendation to get into RSAD!


Some things that are still left to be done:

Finish applying to colleges and request Mr. Williams write a letter of recommendation and make copies of it.

Figure out a way to drop these stupid classes, such as office aid, that the school haa me doing. It is bullshit and we all know it.

Pick up my artwork from scholastic and submit one of my photos to VASE.


There is much more on the list, but I figured you guys didn't want me to continues on. The music and poetry of the link is under the cut. Enjoy! I hope everyone else is well and prosperous!

LyricsCollapse )


PoetryCollapse )

my coffin door

Public.. AGAIN?! [21 Jan 2006|10:41pm]
[ mood | amused ]

After 2 years, my journal is public once again! Rejoice innocent bystander, for your life has now been ruined by the emotional rantings of a soon to be legal yaoi buyer!! Shiokaze-con is going to be raped (excuse the pun) of its yaoi...

Why do you ask have I had this change of heart? Does Kelly have a heart you may be asking? Well my fellow disgruntled youth and non-youth of America, Germany, and any other countries my friends are living in that are not mentioned, I have just decided to give up on people being shitty. Nothing I will do shall change their shitty minds and their shitty actions.

Besides, all I have been doing lately is posting musical rantings and Byron. Kelly loves the Lord Byron!

Sure, there will be a few friends only postings later on in life, but for now, everything is back to being public. Enjoy it will you still can evil internet predators!

my coffin door

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